Well, a Few Things Have Changed...

For starters... 

The Hubby finished his USAF commitment... 

And got a job flying for Delta Air Lines.... 

I finished my Master's and graduated from ENMU with an MEd. in Curriculum & Instruction... 

We moved to Georgia... 

And I started teaching American Literature at East Coweta High School... 

Despite such a massive upheaval, there are a few things that are still the same: 

The Hubby still flies airplanes; he just wears a different-colored uniform... 

These boys still keep me busy... 

And I still read.  A lot.  It's weird how having to read stuff like "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" and the "Speech to the 2nd Virginia Convention" several times a day makes you want to go home and get lost in an entertaining book.  

I'm not sure how often I'll thoroughly review books in this "new life" of mine, but with the help of Goodreads, I figured I could pop on here once a month and rate everything I've read!  

101 Days

No reviews this week... the boys and I have been busy celebrating the return of a certain pilot after a 3-month deployment!

It was a lonely summer... but definitely not boring!

Rejoice Always, Pray Without Ceasing & Give Thanks in all Circumstances...

Here's a look back at a CBS devotion from 2015!

If there was a specific verse that could perfectly describe the last week at my house it would be:

Proverbs 19:21: Many are the plans in the mind of a man, 

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will prevail.

You’d think that after 8 years of being and Air Force wife, I’d have learned that lesson by now, but I still find myself making and depending on my own plans.  As most of you know, my husband got home from his latest deployment last October.  And following the current deployment cycle of his squadron, he was supposed to be getting ready to leave again right about now.  Well, several months ago, as the squadron was starting to plan for this next deployment, they decided that he would get to stay home.  I knew deep down that this could change at any moment, but as the departure date got steadily closer and closer, I really started to believe that for once we’d get to be lucky family that gets to skip a deployment.  

But, as some of you have no doubt heard, this wasn’t to be after all.  Last Monday, Hubby got the call that not only would he have to deploy this round, but that he’d need to leave in 9 days.  

After the shock and disappointment of this news wore off, I discovered that underneath it all, I was actually really angry.  Angry about a whole host of things, some of it rational... and some of it not.  

• I was angry about the timing of this mess.  Hubby wasn’t prepared to deploy, so he’s had to spend most of the last week scrambling to get things together at work instead of spending his last few days at home with us.  Nine days is also an extremely short amount of time to get my own mind wrapped around the idea of this deployment, much less getting a 5-year-old and 3-year-old prepared for Daddy to be gone for 3.5 months.  
• I was angry at the Air Force as a whole.  I mean, hasn’t my family sacrificed enough?  I felt like 8 deployments in 5 years was excessive, and that we deserved to catch a break.  
• I was really, really angry at the guy who Hubby is having to replace.  He didn’t get injured, his wife isn’t having a baby, there wasn’t a family emergency… he just didn’t have his act together, so my husband has to pick up the slack.  
• I was angry at Ryan’s commander for having made this call, and—here’s where we veer toward the irrational—I was angry at him for being the bearer of bad news.  
• Even more irrational, I found myself losing my temper with my boys because they (for some reason...) kept expecting me to feed and take care of them. When all I wanted to do was sit in a dark room moping and wallowing in self-pity.  

Once I admitted that this anger I was feeling was negatively affecting my attitude, I felt like I needed to re-read a chapter in a book I had read in our church in Florida a few years ago called: Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges.  Before reading this book, I never would have said I struggled with anger, but he painted this particular sin in a different light, and as it turns out, it was every bit as convicting reading it this second time as it was the first.  

While the entire book is great, and the chapter on anger was very personally enlightening, here are a few excerpts that were particularly poignant for me this week:

“Some people justify their anger as righteous anger.  They feel they have a right to be angry, given a certain situation.  How, then, can I know if my anger is righteous anger?  First, righteous anger arises from an accurate perception of true evil—that is, as a violation of God’s moral law.  It focuses on God and His will, not on me and my will.  Second, righteous anger is always self-controlled.  It never causes one to lose his temper or retaliate in some vengeful way.”

Later, Bridges quotes 1 Peter 2:18-20 which says, 

“For this is a gracious thing, then, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.”  

He then defines the phrase “mindful of God,” as 

“to think of God’s will and God’s glory.  How would God have me respond in this situation?  How can I best glorify God by my response?  Do I believe that this difficult situation or this unjust treatment is under the sovereign control of God and that in His infinite wisdom and goodness He is using these difficult circumstances to conform me more to the likeness of Christ?”

Then in addressing what to do about anger we feel, he writes, 

“To dissolve our sinful emotions, we must believe that God is absolutely sovereign in all the affairs of our lives (both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’) and that all the words and actions of other people that tempt us to anger are somehow included in His wide and good purpose to make us more like Jesus.  We must realize that any given situation that tempts us to anger can drive us either to sinful anger or to Christ and His sanctifying power.”  

After reading this, I realized that I was, in fact, faced with a decision.  Like we studied in Romans 12:2: was I going to conform to this world, or be transformed by renewing my mind?

I decided that “renewing my mind” should start with finding something to praise God for in each of the things that had angered me in the first place, and this exercise didn’t end up being nearly as difficult as I thought it would be!

• As for the timing, even though we had little time to prepare for this deployment, the news came while my parents happened to be in town.  Not only did they offer extra support and sympathy during a rough few days, but they also watched the boys for a night so that Ryan and I could get away together.
• In regard to the Air Force, this was a great reminder to thank God for a job that firstly, allows my husband to be a pilot—which is what he always wanted to do—and secondly provides a regular paycheck that is sufficient to allow me to stay home with my children—which is what I always wanted to do.
• Coming up with a reason to be thankful for Ryan’s commander and the guy he has to replace was probably the most difficult for me.  The reason this man can’t leave with the rest of the squadron this week, is because he hasn’t been able to pass the required check flights to become an aircraft commander, in other words he just isn’t ready yet to be in charge of a plane and a crew on the other side of the world.  Three years ago, 4 men flying the plane Hubby flies crashed just outside the base he is deploying to, and everyone onboard died.  I’m not saying the aircraft commander was ill-prepared or unqualified-- because no one knows what happened that day-- but I do know that sending someone to do a job they aren’t ready for can have disastrous consequences.  So I can praise God for a commander who was willing to make an unpopular decision, and had the courage to put safety over ease or comfort.  
• Finally, as for my two boys, I can’t even begin to catalogue the joy and comfort they bring to me during deployments.  During the times in my life that can be the loneliest and most isolating, they provide hugs, smiles, and someone to snuggle with on the couch and watch a movie with.  I’m so, very thankful for my boys.  

Just before a deployment, I like to pick a verse, or sometimes a song, to claim while Hubby is gone.  So, after this exercise in thankfulness and purposefully changing my thoughts and attitudes, I’ll leave you with the verse I’ve chosen this time:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Whatever is Lovely

Here's another CBS devotional from a bit ago for your enjoyment!  

As many of you know, my husband returned from a 3-month deployment a few weeks ago.  As much as I would love to make deployments simply disappear forever, I do have to admit that God has always used these tough times to teach me important things about myself, Himself, and my relationship with Him.  

One thing I’ve found to be helpful during the 8 deployments we’ve made it through so far, is to pray before Ryan leaves that God would point me to a specific song, verse, or passage in the Bible to claim as my own and cling to during each deployment.  

This time around the verse I felt drawn to was Philippians 4:7-9, which says, 

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” 

These verses really appealed to me, because I do often struggle to control my thoughts while Ryan is gone.  As many friends have reminded me, worry is a sin, and this passage gives us a list of positive things to dwell on instead of worrying.  

What I did over the course of the deployment was choose a new concept from this list to purposefully and intentionally think about for a week.  While God showed me so much through this exercise, there’s one thing on this list that I really had to wrestle with and even adjust my thinking on.  

About half-way through the list, Paul and Timothy tell us to think about whatever is lovely.  I don’t know about you, but this adjective sticks out to me as not really fitting in with the others.  There are some pretty deep and complex concepts on this list: truth, honor, justice, purity… and loveliness?  Think about pretty things?  Don’t get me wrong-- I’m a typical girl-- I love pretty things, but to be told by scripture that thinking about beauty was a positive endeavor struck me as wrong at first.  

In all honestly, I really didn’t like that it was on this list at all.  All of negative things the Bible has to say about beauty started popping into my head:

Proverbs 31:30 says: 

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” 

I remember having to memorize this one in junior high, and it’s absolutely true: our relationship with God is what makes us praise-worthy, not anything about our physical appearance.  

I also thought of 1 Peter 3:3-4, which says:

“Do not let our adorning be external—the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”

Again, this is absolutely true: the things we wear on the outside are nothing compared to what God sees on the inside.  

But as I thought, prayed, and read more about the subject of beauty in the Bible, I decided that my initial reaction--that thinking about any type of beauty is a frivolous or even sinful waste of time-- is just as un-biblical as saying outward beauty is the only thing we should think about.  

I eventually came to three conclusions:

God made beautiful things, and reveals Himself through them 

For His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. 
(Romans 1:20)

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. 
(Psalm 19:1)

We, as human beings, were made to appreciate the beautiful things God has created  

In its most basic interpretation, Song of Solomon is essentially an entire book of the Bible dedicated to a bride and bridegroom appreciating and praising the beauty they see in each other.  Admittedly, it gets a little weird... 

Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.  Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing...

(Song of Solomon 4:1-2)

I have to assume this was a great compliment 3000 years ago.  Or maybe it just sounds nicer in Hebrew?  But the fact remains: we have been created to appreciate physical beauty, and there are 8 solid chapters of scripture that do just that.   

 Finally, as believers, when we recognize and appreciate the lovely things God has made, we are worshiping Him

“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?... O Lord, our lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!” (Psalm 8)

I can attest to the fact that as I made myself intentionally think about and praise God for the lovely things around me, I was continually led to worship.   

Like the Psalmist, when you see a sunrise or a sky full of stars, how can you fail to stand in awe of the One powerful and creative enough to make them?  

Or like Solomon, when I look into the beautiful faces of my husband and children, how can I not praise God for giving them to me?  How can I not marvel when I see my husband's and my features perfectly blended together, then knit inside me to form two precious little boys?

God made beautiful things, He uses them to reveal Himself to us, and for us to appreciate and praise Him in response.  Therefore, if we aren’t thinking about whatever is lovely (along with whatever is true, honorable, just, and pure) we are missing out on a chance to worship God.  

Back in the Saddle

I realize it's been a while, so I thought I'd check in and let everything is still fine over here!

I've really been rather busy lately...

Catching up with awesome friends at a beautiful wedding deep in the heart of Texas...

Welcoming home a certain dashing pilot from a two-month deployment...

Celebrating this awesome kid's 6th birthday...

and finally taking a long-anticipated trip to Carslbad Caverns! 

I promise I've also been making dinosaur cookies, throwing Jurassic Park and Octonauts themed birthdays, and reading some awesome books!  More to come on that soon...

This is the Day

The following is the devotion I wrote and shared at Community Bible Study last week... enjoy!

When my boys were really little, I used to joke that I never actually had babies of my own-- all I did was make clones of my husband.  As infants and toddlers, even my in-laws agreed that the boys looked and acted just like R. and his twin brother.

As they've gotten older, and their personalities have become more established, though, it's become clear that J. is, in fact, a clone of his father, but G. is much more like me than I ever would have thought possible.

J. is the fun-loving, easy-going, joke-making, friendly, charming little brother-- so much like his daddy!  Let me tell you, that that slight bit of mischief, that little "twinkle" in my husband's eye that was oh, so attractive when we were 20, is much more frustrating to parent in a 4-year-old.  He's the kid that makes me fight to keep a straight face as I discipline him, all while I'm counting the seconds it'll take to make it to my closet where I can laugh my head off.

As entertaining and frustrating as it is to parent a 4-year-old version of my husband, it's sometimes heart-breaking to see the least favorite parts of my personality come out in G.

There are so many amazing things about that precious almost 6-year-old little boy.  He's a hard-worker, and he takes things very seriously.  He's determined, passionate, and very smart.  He's kind, empathetic, and sensitive.  But along with that hard-working determination, is a fair amount of stubbornness and perfectionism.  And because he expects so much out of himself, he expects a lot out of everyone else... and is therefore often disappointed.  He does not tolerate change or failure.

I know from painful experience that these personality traits-- be they strengths or weaknesses-- can very easily lead to dis-contentedness and anxiety.  I hate the thought that he's going to have to learn the hard way, just as I did, that it takes making a choice every day to find contentment.  It won't come naturally.

While studying about Christian living and leadership through Philemon, 1-3 John, Jude, and 1 Timothy, I've been struck over and over by the idea of leading by example.

When Hubby deploys (as he recently did... for the 10th time...), I usually try to find a scripture to "claim" while he's gone.  A verse to cling to and meditate on throughout the inevitable ups and downs of every deployment.  This time I really didn't find a verse until about a week into the deployment.

After a particularly frustrating Sunday morning 3 weeks ago-- in which neither of my children seemed capable of getting themselves dressed and buckled into their car seats with any speed or efficiency, the first song that played on the way to church was "This is the Day the Lord has Made."

This day.  This frustrating, exhausting day in which nothing seems to be going the way I'd like-- God made it.  And not only that, He has commanded me to rejoice and be glad in it.

So in the car... on the way to church... feeling convicted by the Donut Man, God called me to lead my son by example, and choose to rejoice in every type of day the Lord has made.